Episode 63 - PMS After Miscarriage: A Raw & Real Share About My Last 5 Months
⚠️ CONTENT WARNING ⚠️
This episode contains a detailed discussion of pregnancy loss, miscarriage, intense grief, and emotional trauma. Please listen with care if you're currently experiencing loss, trying to conceive, or are sensitive to these topics. Iris mentions this is raw and unedited, recorded during a difficult time.
I'm writing this with sweaty palms and a racing heart, not because I'm afraid of your judgment, but because some truths are so raw they make you feel exposed just speaking them. This is one of those truths.
Nobody prepared me for how pregnancy loss would hijack my menstrual cycle. Not just in the immediate aftermath, but month after month, creating a pattern so intense I barely recognized myself. Despite knowing everything about hormones, despite doing everything "right" for my cycle health, my premenstrual time became a monthly emotional tornado that swept me off my feet.
For five months, every cycle brought 72 hours of questioning everything in my life. My work, my relationships, my choices, my worth. It felt like my body was betraying me, and I couldn't understand why my usual cycle wisdom wasn't helping.
If you've experienced pregnancy loss and found your PMS suddenly overwhelming, this is for you. If you've felt like you're losing your mind for three days every month, if you've wondered why your body feels different after loss, you're not alone, and you're not broken.
This is my story of discovering that grief lives in our cycles, and sometimes healing means learning to move through the storm rather than trying to calm it.
Topics covered
In this episode, we discussed
- Iris's personal experience with intense PMS in the 5 months following her miscarriage
- How premenstrual symptoms can change dramatically after a pregnancy loss
- The difference between manageable PMS and overwhelming premenstrual intensity
- The story of Iris's miscarriage during a retreat and the lack of postpartum support afterward
- How grief and loss can resurface cyclically during the premenstrual phase
- The concept of "cyclical memory of trauma" and emotional imprints in the body
- Navigating relationship challenges when processing grief through "word vomit"
- The importance of having witnesses for emotions and finding safe spaces for feelings to land
- Why connecting with other people who menstruate is crucial during intense cyclical experiences
- Practical wisdom about timing intense emotions and remembering that they will pass
Listen to the Episode
Timestamps
[00:01:20] Introduction to PMS after miscarriage and why this episode feels necessary
[00:01:57] How Iris's premenstrual experience changed after loss - from manageable to overwhelming
[00:04:03] Iris's premenstrual patterns before her miscarriage
[00:05:02] The story of her miscarriage during a retreat and the support she had in that moment
[00:05:32] Coming home alone and the spiral that followed without proper postpartum support
[00:06:53] The last 5 months of intense premenstrual experiences and symptoms
[00:09:31] How every premenstrual phase brings up all stages of grief in 72 hours
[00:10:31] Understanding the body's response - hormonal balance vs nervous system activation
[00:11:46] The concept of "cyclical memory of trauma" and how loss imprints resurface
[00:12:57] Why luteal phase isn't just hormonal - it's where emotional blueprints emerge
[00:13:51] Relationship challenges and learning to communicate needs during intense phases
[00:15:16] Understanding the difference between what we say and what we actually need
[00:17:19] The importance of connecting with other people who menstruate
[00:17:51] Practical wisdom: attaching a timeline to intense emotions
[00:19:47] Being honest about struggling even when you "do everything right"
[00:21:23] Final thoughts on honoring where you are and remembering you're not broken
The Shock: When "Normal" PMS Becomes Overwhelming
Before my pregnancy loss, my premenstrual time was manageable. I had familiar patterns, predictable symptoms. I'd get more emotionally triggered, my capacity would lower, I'd feel a bit weepy but could laugh about it. It felt manageable, less intense, less overwhelming.
Then everything changed.
"I become a different person before my period, and this month I timed it. It's about 72 hours, which is roughly three days where I just doubt everything in my life: my work, my relationship, where I live, how I eat, my friends, my family. Everything just crumbles and falls apart."
As someone who usually processes emotions deeply but can provide context because I understand the body, this was completely different. The experience was so big, so loud, so overwhelming that I couldn't step into my observing self. I couldn't frame it, explain it, or surrender into it. This level of intensity was entirely new territory.
Five Months of Monthly Hell: The Pattern Emerges
For five months post-loss, my premenstrual time became absolute hell. Not the entire luteal phase, but specifically the 3-4 days before bleeding. Everything felt exponentially louder despite doing everything "right":
- Strict nutrition with adequate protein and healthy fats
- Consistent sunlight exposure
- Prioritized sleep
- All the hormonal support protocols I know work
Yet the intensity remained overwhelming:
- Mood swings and rage that felt uncontrollable
- Deep sadness that seemed bottomless
- Physical pain throughout my body
- Insomnia despite exhaustion
- Legs feeling impossibly heavy
- Loss of appetite (not cravings, but hunger disappearing)
- Hypervigilant urge to help others as a distraction from my own pain
"I would have like a lot of triggers around stuff that other people were struggling with and I would have this urge, I have like a hyper urge to help and fix things around that time because it makes me feel purposeful and it takes the attention off of my own intensity."
The Revelation: Cyclical Grief Processing
The breakthrough came when I realized what was actually happening: "How I can best explain it is that I move through all stages of grief over a period of 72 hours every single month."
This wasn't just hormonal. My body was using my premenstrual time to process unresolved grief, not just from my recent loss, but from accumulated losses:
- The pregnancy loss
- The loss of my grandmothers
- The loss of my grandfathers
- The loss of my father
Before I bleed, when the veil is thin, my body tries to show me the emotional imprints of loss that happened through my body.
What I discovered is what I call "cyclical memory of trauma." "This is also why I don't want to look at luteal and premenstruum as just like, oh, a hormonal event. Because for me these times, through the loss and the last couple months, I'm really learning that this is also where our emotional blueprints are resurfacing and where we are invited to witness our grief."
The Communication Challenge: Word Vomit and Emotional Needs
One of the hardest parts was trying to communicate what I was experiencing. My processing style is "word vomit", needing to externally process through speaking, even when the words don't make coherent sense.
"It's like a blank canvas and the words are the paint and it's not necessarily about what I'm painting, but it's about the emotion that's underneath. So I'm vomiting a lot of words that don't really coherently make sense. But my need is really about wanting to be met in the emotion that is underneath."
This created conflict with my partner, who would try to logically process my words rather than witness the emotions. What I actually needed:
- Safe space for the emotions to land
- A witness to the feeling, not at the nalysis of the content
- Understanding that the words were just the vehicle for deeper emotional processing
- Reassurance that this was temporary and would pass
Finding the Right Support: The Need for Sisters
The most important discovery: When going through something deeply cyclical, I needed to share with people who also experience menstrual cycles, who could relate to intense luteal phases, premenstrual overwhelm, or pregnancy loss.
My biggest support came from:
- Attaching a timeline to the experience: "This is a timed event. You're only gonna feel like shit for a marked period of time. This is not forever."
- Hearing from menstruating friends: "You're not crazy. This is normal that this happens now and you are doing the best that you can right now."
"My period started today. I feel so peaceful when I now think about how intense it was like yesterday and the day before yesterday. I'm like, was that me? Was that me?"
The Wisdom: You Are Not Broken
The most important message I want to share: If your cycle feels different after loss, maybe you feel broken, but you're not broken.
"I have felt broken in the last couple of months and I had to constantly remind myself, I'm not broken, I'm not broken, I'm not broken."
What I learned:
- Honor where you are in your cycle journey
- Each moment in your cycle is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself
- Intense emotions are not permanent - they pass with your cycle
- You need witnesses who understand cyclical experiences
- Professional cycle knowledge doesn't protect you from human emotional experiences
The messy reality: "I have cursed at my body. I have cursed at the experience. I have been sobbing and wailing and falling to the ground and going like, what the fuck, man? Why does that have to be like this? And this is also part of life, and this is also something that passes."
The Bottom Line
Pregnancy loss can transform your menstrual cycle in ways no one talks about. Even when your hormones look fine on paper, even when you're doing everything "right" for your cycle health, your nervous system and emotional body may still be processing the profound experience of loss through your monthly rhythms.
This isn't a sign of failure or being broken. It's a sign that your body is trying to heal and integrate a significant experience. The intensity you feel isn't permanent, but it deserves to be witnessed, supported, and honored rather than fixed or rushed.
Your premenstrual time may become a monthly grief journey, and that's okay. You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to process perfectly. You just have to show up for yourself with compassion and find the support that actually meets your needs.
Key Takeaways
- PMS can dramatically intensify after pregnancy loss even with optimal hormonal support
- Cyclical grief processing means moving through all grief stages monthly
- Premenstrual time becomes emotional blueprint processing time
- Words are vehicles for emotions that need safe spaces to land
- Menstruating community support is essential for cyclical challenges
- Timeline awareness helps - the intensity is temporary and passes
- You are not broken - your body is processing profound loss
- Intense doesn't mean permanent - cycles bring natural resolution
Transcript
[00:00:00] Iris Josephina: You are listening to the podcast of Iris Josephina. If you are passionate about exploring the menstrual cycle, cyclical living, body wisdom, personal growth, spirituality, and running a business in alignment with your natural cycles, you're in the right place. I'm Iris. I'm an entrepreneur, functional hormone specialist, trainer and coach, and I am on a mission
[00:00:29] Iris Josephina: to share insights, fun facts, and inspiration I discover along the way as I run my business and walk my own path on earth. Here you'll hear my personal stories, guest interviews, and vulnerable shares from clients and students. Most people know me from Instagram where you can find me under @cycleseeds, or they have been a coaching client or student in one of my courses.
[00:00:52] Iris Josephina: I'm so grateful you're here. Let's dive into today's episode. Hey, welcome to a new episode of the Inner Rhythms Podcast. This is a bit of an impromptu episode, and you may hear some background sounds. My neighbors are vacuuming, moving furniture, but I have inspiration now to share this with you, so you're gonna get it raw and real and imperfect.
[00:01:20] Iris Josephina: I wanna talk about PMS after miscarriage and how this can hit very differently. And the reason I wanna talk about this is because I've been going through it, it's been five months almost after my miscarriage, and I was speaking with a friend and saying to her the other day, I was like, I don't know what the hell is happening to me, but I become a different person before my period, and this month I timed it.
[00:01:57] Iris Josephina: It's about 72 hours, which is roughly three days where I just doubt everything in my life, my work, my relationship, where I live, how I eat. My friends, my family, like everything just crumbles and falls apart. And as someone who usually like feels really deeply, but then also is able to provide context with what is happening because I know so much about the body.
[00:02:36] Iris Josephina: It was really hard to have the experience be so big and so loud and so overwhelming that I just could not like step into my observing self and really look at it from a, from a bit of a distance and go like, okay Iris, this is what is happening. And try to like frame it and explain it so I could surrender into it and relax into it.
[00:03:05] Iris Josephina: This was completely different, so I wanna reflect on that a little bit. And I also wanna share what I learned from this experience. So I wanna share about my life and my cycle before my loss, and then I'll briefly share a little bit about my loss. But I have a, I have a whole episode about that, so you can go ahead and listen to that.
[00:03:33] Iris Josephina: I do wanna say and, and give you a little bit of a trigger warning. I go into detail in that episode. So if you are going through it or you're not ready to hear about an experience like that, maybe don't listen. And I'll share a little bit about my loss in this episode too. So I'll give you a little heads up and I'll share about it, and then I'll share, um, about what I experienced specifically and what I'm doing to support myself.
[00:04:03] Iris Josephina: So before my loss, and I've had multiple losses in my life, but this loss felt particularly different because we were like very open and ready to have a baby. So it hit like way harder this time. So my premenstrual time before my loss was really manageable. There were like familiar patterns that were predictable symptoms.
[00:04:33] Iris Josephina: For me, it's usually that I get more emotionally triggered. My capacity lowers. I used to feel a little bit weepy, but then I would also be able to like laugh about it and I felt tired and it was usually less intense and. It felt less overwhelming than how I experienced it right now. So I'm gonna share a little bit about my loss right now.
[00:05:02] Iris Josephina: So my loss happened in a like beautiful context with women around me. There was food cooked for me. It was, it happened during a retreat that I was organizing. So in that moment I felt really, you know, supported and nourished and held by this group of women that I was leading. And the shock for me came after I got home on my own.
[00:05:32] Iris Josephina: My. Partner works abroad. He isn't home all the time, like we really need to, you know, plan our time together. He's an airline pilot, so we have a very non-standard relationship because of his work. And so when I came home, I was on my own and there was no support and I think because in that moment I was technically postpartum and there was no support.
[00:06:01] Iris Josephina: There weren't any of my long-term friends. My family wasn't there, my partner wasn't there, and I just spiraled like I spiraled so fucking deep at first that I just could not cope, and it just felt like an endless luteal phase that hit me 1000 times harder. So, and I, I am only realizing now that every luteal phase that has come after the loss had something to teach me about the loss and how much I wasn't processing about the loss would show up like in my face, in my luteal face.
[00:06:53] Iris Josephina: And for the, for the last five months, I'm gonna be honest, it's been hell. My luteal phase has been absolute hell. Oh no, I actually should say my premenstrual. So really the three, four days before my period, not the entire luteal phase, but really the premenstrual time, the three to four days before I had to bleed and everything feels, and felt so much louder.
[00:07:22] Iris Josephina: I would have mood swings and I, you know, I'm strict with my food and my protein and my fat and my sunlight and my sleep. Like, you know me and like I, this is my jam. This is my stuff. So I'm on point with all the things I should be doing. But still there would be so much intensity, so much rage, irritability, like deep like sadness.
[00:07:53] Iris Josephina: I would have like physical pain in my body. I would not be able to sleep. I would just lay in my bed, have my eyes wide open and go like, why the fuck can I not sleep? I would be very, very tired. My legs would feel like they were a million kilograms. I didn't really have, and I don't really have like specific cravings.
[00:08:15] Iris Josephina: It's more like my hunger is gone. I feel like in the background there is some hunger, but not like forefront cravings. And I would have like a lot of triggers around, you know, stuff that other people were like struggling with and I would have this urge, I have like a hyper urge to help and fix things around that time because it makes me feel purposeful and it takes the attention off of my own intensity.
[00:08:50] Iris Josephina: And I think what caught me most off guard is that I did not expect that every single like per menstruum, these three to four days before my period would feels so intense. So what really caught me off guard was that I wasn't expecting this to feel like grief all over again. And how, how I can best explain it is that I move through all stages of grief over a period of 72 hours every single month.
[00:09:31] Iris Josephina: And. I feel that this part after loss is very rarely talked about and especially when you know you cannot share something visual of a loss with people after a loss. Like you don't actually have an actual baby yet. It's so conceptual and people just forget it happened, and obviously I have been trying to understand what happens in the body.
[00:10:04] Iris Josephina: And so for some people there can be hormonal shifts post-pregnancy that drag on for like months on end to balance out. Now for me, I had my ovulation back the month after. I had my loss, and since then, my cycles just have been within the normal range. I ovulated every month. My luteal phases are good length for me.
[00:10:31] Iris Josephina: I don't see any ratio imbalance between estrogen and progesterone. I'm so sorry. My neighbors are just so loud.
[00:10:45] Iris Josephina: Oh my goodness. I hope this also just makes the podcast really real that I'm just in my office sweating like a pig because I can't have my AC on because it's disturbing for the podcast. So yeah, this is it. This is it, people, you'll have to deal with this. So I'm not seeing any estrogen, progesterone dysregulation in my body from what I know.
[00:11:10] Iris Josephina: What I do feel that is the case for me is that my nervous system is still revved up from the loss and I haven't really like landed in my nervous system and do enough nervous system support work to really, yeah, to really regulate my nervous system after the loss. And then I also feel that luteal and specifically pre menstruum is really where the emotional imprints of loss
[00:11:46] Iris Josephina: the body or that happened through the body resurface and I call it the cyclical memory of trauma and not necessarily like an, like an immensely intense event. 'cause I didn't really experience my loss as extremely intense. It was mostly really sad and very emotional and I could like conceptually and contextually place it, but what I feel that happens for me that before I bleed when this, this veal is so thin.
[00:12:30] Iris Josephina: Right before the physical loss, my body tries to show me the emotional imprints of loss that happened through my body. And it's not just my, my pregnancy loss that comes forward, it's the loss of my grandmothers, the loss of my grandfathers, the loss of my father that are always coming into my consciousness before I bleed.
[00:12:57] Iris Josephina: And. This is also why I, I don't want to look at luteal and per menstruum as just like, oh, a hormonal event. Because for me these times and through the loss and the last couple months, I'm really learning that this is also where our emotional blueprints are resurfacing and where we are invited to.
[00:13:24] Iris Josephina: Witness our grief, and this is the wisdom that I'm taking from this, but it, it hasn't been easy. I'm gonna tell you that. And I've gotten into like a lot of rupture and a lot of almost like conflict specifically with my partner, um, because he obviously hasn't experienced this through his body. And what happens for me is that.
[00:13:51] Iris Josephina: My way of processing anything. So also grief is through word vomit and I made like the comparison to my partner, like it's like a blank canvas and the words are the paint and it's not necessarily about what I'm painting, but it's about the emotion that's underneath. So I'm vomiting a lot of words that don't really coherently make sense.
[00:14:20] Iris Josephina: But my need is really about wanting to be met in the emotion that is underneath. But obviously when you don't give context about that, you're just gonna word vomit onto someone, which is what I did. It's very overwhelming for a person. So I had to really, you know, and my partner is really good at mirroring, like though I'm not understanding what is happening and firing back at me.
[00:14:49] Iris Josephina: And so I really had to like, after this storm was over for me to sit down and go like, okay, what happened here? What happens in my body specifically, and what is the meaning of my word vomit? And the meaning of my word vomit is that the grief and the emotions need to be voiced in some way, shape, or form.
[00:15:16] Iris Josephina: And they need a safe place to land, and then there needs to be a witness for the emotion. It doesn't have to be understood, it doesn't have to have like meaning attached to it, but it just has, it needs a safe space to land really, and it's not easy to, to have that. And there is a lot of like tending that is needed for an emotion to be able to like properly land somewhere.
[00:15:51] Iris Josephina: And I had to figure this out, you know, I was like, why am I feeling things so intensely and I can't stop word vomiting and there is so much that needs to come out and it doesn't make sense. And I can't even remember what I said. And my partner, he's so sweet, he was like, I need to sit down. And I need to read what you said and then I'll come back to you because you deserve like a big answer from me.
[00:16:14] Iris Josephina: You deserve this all to be processed and read. And then that I come back to you with like an elaborate answer, which is very obviously sweet, but it was not what I needed and I had to learn like what is it actually that my need is underneath all of this. Chaos and then I had to like define my need and then find the right words to help my partner understand so I can get the support that I need.
[00:16:48] Iris Josephina: And I also needed my sisters. I noticed so deeply that whenever I'm going through something deeply cyclical, I need to share with people who also experience a menstrual cycle, who potentially also have gone through a similar experience of an intense luteal phase, of an intense per menstruum, or maybe even a loss or some other cyclical event that is relatable.
[00:17:19] Iris Josephina: And so my biggest support for this was uh, like attaching a timeline to it and really, really telling myself, Iris, this is a timed event. You're only gonna feel like shit for a marked period of time. This is not forever. This is not forever. This will pass. This will go over as soon as your body is ready to release, and it's true.
[00:17:51] Iris Josephina: My period started today. I feel so peaceful when I now think about how intense it was like yesterday and the day before yesterday, actually, the day before yesterday was the worst. I'm like, was that me? Was that me? And I read some of the things that I'm sad and I'm like, what? Was, did I say this? And what I really needed was to hear back from sisters, from people with menstrual cycles, from my, my girlfriends, my friends.
[00:18:24] Iris Josephina: Like, you're not crazy. This is normal that this happens now and you are doing the best that you can right now. And I really had to come to terms with, okay, I meet so just share. And share with different people, my partner, my friends, and just let it land. And I know these people, you know, respect me and love me for who I am.
[00:18:52] Iris Josephina: But it's been, it's been hard and I'm grateful that I can share now after all of this happened. And it, It's not easy for me to like come forward and say like, Hey, my last five months have been really shit when it comes to, you know, my own luteal time. And most of my luteal phases have been very mild and gentle.
[00:19:21] Iris Josephina: But after this loss, my goodness, it, it swept me off my feet in a not a good way. And I just wanted to share my experience because I know, and I've, you know, if you follow me on Instagram, there's so many of you who, who maybe have an idea that I have so that I do so many things, so good for my body, and I think I do, like, I have a great rhythm.
[00:19:47] Iris Josephina: I eat great food. You know, I know I, I do all these things and I love doing it, and I love, you know, taking care of my body. But I also go through shit and there is also a lot of moments where I just go like, what the hell body? What are you doing? Like, can I please have peace? Like, I know you can go through very intense things, but can I please have peace now?
[00:20:12] Iris Josephina: You know? And yeah, it hasn't been easy. It really hasn't been easy, and I feel I, I wanna be honest about that because when, when you're in this field, people think you have it all figured out, and I have a lot of things figured out and I love that I have these things figured out, but I also learn a lot from what my body goes through.
[00:20:41] Iris Josephina: And there is something new to learn, you know, from every experience. And I'm telling you, this loss just slammed me flat on my face. And it's been a very humbling, very humbling, yeah, that's the best word. A very humbling experience to go through this and to fall to my knees and go like, now what? I just wanna say, if you are going through something with your cycle right now honor where you are.
[00:21:23] Iris Josephina: And if your cycle feels different after loss, maybe you feel broken, but you're not broken. I have felt broken in the last couple of months and I had to constantly remind myself, I'm not broken, I'm not broken, I'm not broken, and I really had to support myself through it. And take each moment in my cycle as an opportunity to learn something new about myself.
[00:22:01] Iris Josephina: And I also wanna say, it's not easy. I have cursed at my body. I have cursed at the experience. I have been sobbing and wailing and falling to the ground and going like, what the fuck, man? Why does that have to be like this? And this is also part of life, and this is also something that passes. It's not forever.
[00:22:30] Iris Josephina: And for me, like I know this is gonna be over in 73 hours. The intensity that I'm feeling right now will go at some point and you'll sense it and you'll feel it and trust your body that it comes that it, the moment that you'll feel a little bit more peaceful, it'll come and that's my post loss wisdom for today.
[00:23:04] Iris Josephina: I know it was raw. I know it wasn't perfect. I know my neighbors were doing God knows what, but I feel like I wanna make more of these types of episodes so that you, you know, you get to know me a little bit better and you get to know about my experience. And hopefully you can find some recognition in my experience, and maybe it makes you feel a little bit better.
[00:23:28] Iris Josephina: Maybe it reminds you that you're not broken. And maybe it is of some support for you. I just wanna thank you for making it to the end of this episode. If you wanna share your own story, I always, always, always am open to receive. You can go to Instagram and share it via DM or send me an email. Or share here under the podcast, and I would love to hear from you and I'll see you in the next episode.
[00:24:01] Iris Josephina: Thanks so much for listening. Okay, this wraps up today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. Want to know more about me? The best way to reach me is via At Cycles Seeds on Instagram. And if you heard something today and you think, oh my God, wow, I learned something new. Feel free to share the podcast on your social media and tag me or leave a review of rating.
[00:24:24] Iris Josephina: In this way, you help me reach more people like you. Thank you so much.
About the Host
I’m Iris Josephina—functional hormone specialist, orthomolecular hormone coach, and entrepreneur. Through Cycle Seeds and The Inner Rhythms Podcast, I support people in reconnecting with their cyclical nature, deepening body literacy, and reclaiming hormonal harmony from a place of sovereignty and embodied knowledge. Most people know me from Instagram, where I share stories, tools, and inspiration on cyclical living, menstrual cycles, fertility, hormones and more.
Let’s stay connected:
💻 Visit the Cycle Seeds website
